How Charles became a modern father, changing nappies & attending nursery – despite Harry saying he made him ‘suffer’
CHARLES always wanted to be a modern, loving father – but according to son Harry, he never stood a chance.
In a scorching appraisal of the new King’s parenting abilities last year, the Prince said that Charles had been doomed by a lack of love in his own childhood, and by his loyalty to the royal brand.
The Duke of Sussex told a US podcast: “There is no blame. I don’t think we should be pointing the finger or blaming anybody, but certainly when it comes to parenting, if I’ve experienced some form of pain or suffering because of the pain or suffering that perhaps my father or my parents had suffered, I’m going to make sure I break that cycle so that I don’t pass it on.”
But Harry had been less understanding a few months earlier when he delivered his first devastating attacks on his father after he and Meghan fled royal life.
In a tell-all interview with Oprah Winfrey in March 2021, he revealed that Charles had refused to take his calls after the couple first moved to Canada in early 2020 and had cut him off financially for a time.
And in a later Apple TV documentary series, his rage was still red-hot when he spoke of his father’s failure to protect his sons from the “business model” of royal life.
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He said: “He used to say to both William and I, ‘Well, it was like that for me so it’s going to be like that for you’.
“That doesn’t make sense. Just because you suffered, that doesn’t mean your kids have to suffer.
“Actually, quite the opposite. If you suffered, do everything you can to make sure that whatever negative experiences you had, you can make it right for your kids.”
Harry and the Duchess of Sussex were hardly seen interacting with Charles on their return to the UK in June this year to celebrate the Queen’s Platinum Jubilee, despite protestations they wanted to heal the relationship.
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Charles had been terribly hurt by the attacks, which were a shock after decades of William and Harry telling fond, funny stories about their dad in public.
He had tried so hard to be a good father, right from the start.
In fact, his eagerness to be the best parent he could be began well before the arrival of his firstborn in June 1982.
It was an era when fathers-to-be did not always get deeply involved in the wellbeing of their wives during pregnancy — but, as always, Charles was ahead of his time.
He eagerly read Betty Parsons’ guide The Expectant Father and brought the author to Kensington Palace to teach Diana the latest childbirth breathing techniques.
And Charles was at Diana’s side through her long labour with William.
That night, the new dad sat down and wrote in a letter to a friend: “I can’t tell you how excited I am.”
He added: “He really does look surprisingly appetising and has sausage fingers just like mine.”
Just because you suffered, that doesn’t mean your kids have to suffer
Prince Harry
Charles was soon changing nappies, joining in at William’s bath time and trying to keep up with the youngster Diana dubbed her “mini tornado”.
The proud dad revealed: “He keeps crawling away, especially into wastepaper baskets.”
Charles even sounded amused when he revealed the little boy had developed a habit of trying to flush everything down the loo, including his father’s shoes.
On September 15, 1984, the Prince was once more at Diana’s side when she gave birth to Harry.
Emerging to cheering crowds outside the hospital, Charles declared that the newborn was “marvellous”, with “pale blue eyes” and hair of “a sort of indeterminate colour”.
He then announced: “I’m going home to have a stiff drink.”
Diana later told biographer Andrew Morton that the Prince had been hoping for a daughter, and his first comment upon seeing the baby was: “Oh God, it’s a boy.”
She also said that after the arrival of her second child, she realised her marriage was doomed: “As Harry was born, it just went bang, our marriage. The whole thing went down the drain.”
A day after Harry’s birth, Charles was at Windsor playing a game of polo he had organised to mark the event. Some said it showed he was uncaring, but it was not true.
Charles faced unfair criticism
Charles could hardly tear himself away from the nursery and agreed to just a dozen engagements over the next four months, to spend time with his new son.
When Harry was a year old, big brother William, three, began nursery — another sign of his father’s modern thinking.
Charles and sister Anne had started their own schooling with a governess.
But still, Charles faced unfair criticism.
In May 1988, when three-year-old Harry had an emergency hernia operation, Charles’s absence at his bedside was noted.
The fact he was on a painting trip in Italy and phoned every hour to be updated did not prevent him being labelled uncaring.
A few years later, in June 1991, there were more bad headlines when one of William’s schoolmates accidentally hit the young Prince in the head while swinging a golf club, fracturing his skull.
Charles and Diana travelled with him when he was transferred to Great Ormond Street for surgery.
But while Diana stayed with William, Charles left shortly before the operation to attend an opera with a group from the European Commission.
He then travelled straight to Yorkshire for an environmental conference.
The Prince was shocked by the deluge of negative publicity, summed up by a Sun headline demanding: “What Kind Of Dad Are You?”
Diana’s later lover, James Gilbey — of “Squidgygate” phone-leak fame — was quoted in Andrew Morton’s book saying of Diana: “She thinks he’s a bad father. Selfish.”
This was despite Charles doing everything he could to make the boys’ childhood magical.
He even hired architect William Bertram to design a treehouse at Highgrove and ensured that five-year-old William had the deciding voice in the designs.
The youngster told the architect firmly: “I want it to be as high as possible so I can get away from everyone, and I want a rope ladder which I can pull up so no one can get at me.”
Charles also read to his boys as much as they liked and taught them about plants and wildlife.
But the public perception of him as a bad father remained. Diana saw to that — it was her only real weapon.
Harry suffered under this stiff-upper-lip style of parenting
After Diana’s death in 1997, Charles was no longer torn between what she wanted and what he wanted, or even between his public duties and his role as a father.
His grieving sons, aged 15 and 12, were his only priority — and the public could finally see this.
A chef who worked at Highgrove at the time recalled: “He took charge of everything.
“He took an interest in everything that was going on instead of leaving it to someone else. He cancelled all his engagements and really went for it.”
Charles also made sure the boys avoided TV and newspapers, so they would not be confronted by stories of their mother’s death. Instead, they spent their days outside.
One former member of staff recalled of the young princes’ lives at the time: “The normality was almost shocking.”
We now know that Harry suffered under this stiff-upper-lip style of parenting.
William, meanwhile, has only shown empathy and understanding of his father’s struggles — although he has admitted that as a boy he wished his father had not been quite so busy with the royal workload.
He has also said he regrets Charles has not had more time to spend with his own three children, George, Charlotte and Louis.
He explained in 2018: “Having more time with him at home would be lovely, and being able to play with the grandchildren.
“When he’s there, he’s brilliant, but we need him there as much as possible.”
The new Queen Consort has also said what a fun grandad Charles is.
She said: “He will get down on his knees and crawl about with them for hours, making funny noises and laughing.
“He reads Harry Potter, and does all the different voices.”
Prince Harry’s children, Archie and Lilibet, live in America and have missed out on all this.
But now there is a chance for a new beginning — for father, sons and grandchildren.
Charles III is intelligent and sensitive and will have taken Harry’s raw pain to heart.
Few people have had such an agonising journey to emotional maturity as our new King.
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As sovereign, Charles will continue to guide Prince George as the nine-year-old moves towards his own destiny as King.
And as a grandfather, Charles will, if allowed, seek to pass on to all his grandchildren the best inheritance there is: His love, and his hard-won wisdom.