I uprooted my whole life for my fiancée – all while she was cheating
DEAR DEIDRE: After uprooting my whole life and moving to the other end of the country for my fiancée, I’ve discovered she has been cheating.
I gave up my job and sold my flat to move in with her, and two months later she dumped me for another guy.
I’m 30 and she’s 27. We’ve been together for four years and got engaged a year ago.
We both grew sick of travelling back and forth every weekend to see each other, so eventually I agreed to move up to her home city, where all her friends and family are.
I only did it because I loved her and was 100 per cent committed.
Life was blissful for the first few weeks after I moved into her flat.
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But then she grew distant. She would come home late from work and be too tired to talk, or have sex.
I was lonely and miserable, which made things worse. She accused me of being clingy and we argued.
Then, a couple of weeks ago, she said she didn’t think things were working out between us.
I was devastated and begged her to reconsider. I didn’t imagine there might be someone else.
The following day, while she was at work, I looked at her social media and found a picture of her with another guy.
When I confronted her, she said she was sorry, but meeting him had made her see us being together was a mistake.
I’m now staying in a hostel and trying to win her back, but it seems hopeless. I feel betrayed and angry.
How could she let me move when she didn’t love me?
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: She has behaved very selfishly and she shows immaturity.
Perhaps it wasn’t until you moved that she realised the relationship wasn’t right.
Or maybe she’s running scared from commitment. Whatever her reason, you gave up an awful lot for her. The least she owes you is to sit down and be honest.
My support pack, Standing Up For Yourself, should help you to have this conversation frankly and productively.
If you both discuss trying again, please don’t be tempted to move straight back. Take your time and don’t allow yourself to be taken for granted.
Or you might prefer to go back home where you have friends and support, and can rebuild your life. My support pack, Mending A Broken Heart, should help you deal with your pain.