James Marsters Says Controversial 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer' Scene Sent Him to Therapy, Calls It 'Darkest Professional Day'

James Marsters revisited what is arguably one of the most controversial scenes from his hit series Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

The 62-year-old actor played the vampire Spike alongside the likes of Sarah Michelle Gellar in the series.

In the show’s sixth season, Spike attempted to sexually assault Sarah‘s character Buffy. Looking back years later, James described filming the scene as “the darkest professional day of my life” and said that it sent him to therapy.

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While on the Inside of You podcast, James said that the scene “crushed” him.

“It’s a problematic scene for a lot of people who like the show. And it’s the darkest professional day of my life,” he said, via EW.

James recalled that the plot point was based on an experience that one of the show’s writers had.

“The writers were being asked to come up with their worst day, the day that they don’t talk about, their dark secret, the one that keeps them up at night, when they really hurt somebody or when they really got hurt or made a big mistake of some kind, and then slap metaphoric fangs on top of that dark secret and tell everybody about it,” he explained, noting that one of the women on the writing team “went to her ex’s place and thought that if they made love one more time, everything would be fixed.”

He continued, saying, “She kind of forced herself and he had to physically remove her from the premises, and that was one of the most painful memories of that time of her life.”

With Buffy being a heroic character with supernatural powers, the writers decided that it would be alright to flip the script since she could defend herself. James did not agree.

“I went to them and I said, ‘You know, guys, we’re providing a vicarious experience for the audience. Everyone who’s watching Buffy is Buffy, and they’re not superheroes, so I’m doing this to every member of the audience, and they’re going to have a very different reaction,” he said, adding that he did not want to film such a horrible act with Sarah.

He added that he had a “very visceral reaction” to any reference to sexual assault in media. However, the actor didn’t have the ability to say no to the scene moving forward.

Filming it caused him mental and physical pain, though.

“I remember making my entrance for the first line of the scene, and I have an injury on my neck from doing too many stunts, and sometimes it pops off,” he recalled. “It’s like a pulled nerve or something, and it popped off like a gunshot. I just collapsed to the floor… I’m like, ‘I guess I’m kind of tense right now.’ And we got the scene in the can, and it was hell. I was in [my] personal hell.”

James said that he needed to take breaks in between takes, saying that everyone was worried about him.

“I’m like, ‘Be worried. I’m not okay,’” he said.

Looking back, he said, “The good thing is that I found a really good therapist, and in putting me back together from that, got into all the other stuff as good therapists will do.”

“It was very painful and very destabilizing, but I came out of it a much happier person,” James said.

James has previously revealed what Spike was originally going to be like on the show.