My abusive ex is still trying to control me and texts me all night when I go out

DEAR DEIDRE: WHEN I was with my ex, he never treated me well and now that we are separated, he does everything he can to stop me from meeting another man.

We split more than two years ago because I could not take any more of his abusive behaviour.

He was never violent but was emotionally and verbally aggressive and it was dragging me down.

I’m 34 and we have two daughters who are eight and six.

One reason I left was because I didn’t want them to grow up witnessing his behaviour.

I am trying hard to make a better life for us now.

I have a small part-time job working in a cafe and have enrolled on an Open University course.

My ex won’t have the girls if he knows I’m going out with friends.

The only time he agrees to having them is if I can prove I need to study or work.

Recently he told me he is not going to help me find a new partner or facilitate any new romance. I haven’t even met anyone.

On the rare occasions I do go out, he texts me all night to check that I am at home.

I have had enough of his possessive jealousy.

DEIDRE SAYS: Leaving an abusive partner does not always mean an end to the abuse.

It does sound like your ex is still trying to control you.

It is so damaging for your children too.

You should be able to say firmly that he has no rights over your life now but the reality is unlikely to be so simple.

Tell him it is crucial your daughters feel he wants to spend time with them, regardless of what you are doing.

Mediation may be a way forward. You can find out more through National Family Mediation (nfm.org.uk, 0300 4000 636).

My support pack Standing Up For Yourself will help you too.