Sex in the sci-fi section & condom bookmarks – the sordid confessions of a librarian & what they REALLY see in silence

A LIBRARIAN has lifted the lit of some of the grossest things that she has seen and heard whilst at work.

Lara started working as a librarian back in 2006 and said that there are many misconceptions about her profession.

She revealed that people assume she is going to be an old lady in glasses, who spends her days telling people off.

However, she revealed that her job can be much more exciting that it sounds.

The librarian said that on occasion she hears shuffling behind the bookshelves, and knows that this means that people are up to no good.

She said that sometimes, she just has to walk past the aisle, and the couple immediately break away from each other feeling very embarrassed.

However, in other instances, people just ignore her.

“When this happens, we have to say ‘one body per chair please’,” she told the Things People Do podcast.

“It’s normally teenagers that have no where else to go.”

She added that the most popular aisle for people to have a cheeky romp in, is the sci fi and fantasy section.

Lara said that librarians always have wet wipes on hand, as often when people return books, they are very sticky.

She added that she’s had books returned that have been completely torn to shreds by dogs, and with bizarre items left in them, that people have used as bookmarks.

“I’ve had socks, pieces of crispy bacon, and even used condoms,” she revealed.

Lara revealed that normal libraries don’t stock porn but said that you can find it in specific libraries that cater to blind people, as they have to be inclusive for people who would like to read erotica, but are unable to see.

She added that people shouldn’t be worried about getting fines as libraries often just want the books back and for the people to return, rather than the money.

“I did hear about one library that used to challenge people to a dance off if their books were late,” she said.

“And if they won the dance off their fine would be wiped.”

The librarian also revealed that some people come up with hilarious excuses for why their books are late such as “and owl swooped in and stole it”, and “I got abducted by aliens.”

“He said that he’d been abducted by aliens for six months, the books were very late”, she said.

“How do you argue with that?”

She added that she has never shushed anyone, as despite what people might think, libraries are no longer places where you are expected to be completely silent.

Lara said that libraries don’t believe in censorship, and even stock highly controversial books such as Mein Kampf for historical purposes.

“You can borrow it, but we do not in any way advocate for what’s inside it,” she revealed.