Should I divorce my husband to be with a man I met on a married dating site?

DEAR DEIDRE: AFTER a turbulent few years with my husband, in a moment of despair I decided to join a dating site for married people. 

I never expected anything to come of it, but then I met an amazing man, and now my life is in complete turmoil.

I’m 42, and my husband is 45. We’ve been married for 20 years and have two teenage girls together.

Our marriage was mostly good, but we started having problems after I suffered a miscarriage five years ago.

We’d agreed that it was time he went to get the snip, but at the last minute he refused and backed out. 

I went into a very dark place for a good few years, and my mental health hit a new low, but he offered me no sympathy or support.

It was when I met this new man that everything finally started looking up. 

We had an instant connection, and I fell for him after just a couple of weeks of messaging and meeting up.

His wife had recently left him, so we bonded over our failed marriages. 

He’s panicked over his feelings for me and wants to keep things strictly platonic as I’m still at home with my husband.

He makes me feel so alive, and I’m worried if I don’t pursue it, I risk losing something special, so I told my husband I wanted a divorce.

He was devastated, and he promised to change, as he knew he had been awful to me. I’ve never seen him so upset.

I know I need to leave, but I don’t feel like I can.

Deidre says: Your husband promised to change if you stay.

While there is no guarantee that he will, you also have no idea if life with this new guy will measure up.

Deciding to end your marriage is a huge decision, and you should only leave because you are unhappy, not because you have a new lover to distract you.

Before you make any rash decisions, consider giving your marriage another chance.

Tell your husband how seriously he has hurt you and what you need from him to help rebuild your relationship. If he refuses to make an effort, at least you know you have tried.

Sharing it all with a counsellor will help you both. Contact Relate (tel: 01905 28051, relate.org.uk).

I’m also sending you my support pack, Thinking About Divorce to help you with your next steps.