Harriette Cole: I found out his ex was in town when she showed up for our date

DEAR HARRIETTE: Before my boyfriend and I were an item, he and his childhood crush dated for almost 10 years and had two children together.

Eventually they parted ways, and she moved out west. Since they grew up together, he is still close with her family.

A few days ago, his ex’s mother called and invited him to her birthday party. He told me he’d stop by out of respect. I asked if I could join, and he said it didn’t make much sense since they don’t know me.

Later that weekend, he and I were on a date when a woman showed up. He seemed confused but then introduced her as his ex. Apparently, he had told her he was heading out to a bar, but he failed to mention I would be there. She seemed embarrassed.

I was caught off guard but handled her presence graciously; I even invited her to have a drink with us.

Honestly, I was livid. Why didn’t my boyfriend mention that she was in town when he said he was going to celebrate her mom? Why did she feel comfortable enough to show up and hang out with him without warning?

I never felt threatened before, but now I’m having doubts about my boyfriend’s transparency.

— Past, Present, Future?

DEAR PAST, PRESENT, FUTURE?: Tell your boyfriend that in order for your relationship to work, he has to be upfront and transparent about his ex. You need to get to know her and the children if you are to be together.

Like it or not, when you have children, the co-parent is part of the package.

Find out if he is willing to do what will make you comfortable. Otherwise, cut your losses now.

DEAR HARRIETTE: In your reply to “Love That Stray,” the animal shelter volunteer who fell in love with one of the cats, you said that bringing the cat home to an environment where it is not wanted by both people in the house would not be a good idea.

I completely agree that this decision should be agreed upon by both her and her boyfriend.

However, as opposed to leaving it at that and leaving the cat at the shelter, there is another option. Most, if not all, shelters offer a trial adoption to see if the animal is a good fit, or a short-term foster, which is an opportunity for the animal to decompress away from the shelter for a little while.

Some people will go get an animal for a day and take it to a park or on a walk. Both human and animal are happy when they return.

Maybe Love That Stray could offer one of these options to her boyfriend so he could meet the cat and get a chance to see what it would really be like having it in the home, as opposed to just relying on his imagination. Her boyfriend might end up being pleasantly surprised at how undisruptive and clean most cats are. Who knows, he might even fall in cat-love.

As a side note, I believe if more people took an animal home for a short-term foster week or weekend, they could possibly end up with a love and a joy in their lives that they didn’t know was missing.

— Shelter Volunteer

DEAR SHELTER VOLUNTEER: Brilliant recommendation. Thank you!

Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.