Harriette Cole: Am I justified in escalating this frustrating dispute with my neighbor?

DEAR HARRIETTE: I live in a nice apartment building in Los Angeles, and it costs a lot of money to live here.

Since I pay such a premium, you would think that my neighbors would all be respectful. However, my upstairs neighbor plays music so loud all the time, even at 2 a.m. I’ve asked him to turn down the music many times, and he refuses.

I have contacted management, and they don’t do anything; I receive vague responses or no follow-up at all, and the noise continues as if no rules exist.

I’m frustrated and starting to feel helpless in my own home. I work hard and pay my rent on time, and I expect to be able to sleep at night without a disruption.

I don’t want to be a difficult tenant, but I also don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect peace and quiet at 2 a.m.

How do I handle this situation when official complaints have gone nowhere? At what point is it acceptable to escalate, and how can I protect my peace without creating an ongoing conflict with my neighbor or my building management?

— Can’t Sleep

DEAR CAN’T SLEEP: At this point, your neighbor has already created an ongoing conflict, so it is reasonable to involve the police.

Most neighborhoods have noise ordinances. Check to see if there is one in place for where you live. You can also call 311 or visit lacity.gov/myla311 and report your concerns.

Document as best you can when and how often your neighbor blasts music at night. The police should send someone to investigate.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend wants us to go on vacation together, but I firmly believe that some friends aren’t good to travel with.

I love her, but whenever we make plans, even for just a day trip or a dinner, she leaves the logistics to me, and it’s frustrating.

When I go on vacation, I prefer for the other person to help with planning. I want traveling to feel like a shared experience, not another responsibility.

She keeps pushing that we need to take a trip together, but I’m hesitant because I don’t know how to be honest without hurting her feelings or damaging our friendship. At the same time, I don’t think it’s fair to myself to agree to something I know will be frustrating and emotionally draining.

I’m struggling to find a way to be honest without sounding critical or selfish. How can I communicate this boundary in a kind but firm way while still preserving the friendship and avoiding long-term resentment?

— Not My Travel Buddy

DEAR NOT MY TRAVEL BUDDY: You need to have an honest conversation with your friend.

Tell her how you feel about how she expects you to handle everything and that you don’t like that. She does it all the time at home, so you expect she will want you to be in charge of everything on a trip, and that’s not fun for you.

You already have long-term resentment; you need to address this directly so that you both can possibly move on from it.

Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.