'Stashing' Is The Dating Trend That Makes You Feel Like A Dirty Secret

From “shrekking” to breadcrumbing, ghosting, and “situationships”, there are an awful lot of ways for daters to make the mire of dating even muddier. 

That can be true of “stashing,” too, which happens when one partner effectively hides the other from their inner circle. 

Speaking of the phenomenon in a YouTube video, relationship coach Susan Winter said that being “stashed” is akin to being a “sidechick”. 

What does “stashing” look like? 

It means “you’re kept at a distance” from your partner’s friends and family, Winter explained. 

Maybe, she wrote, “You’ve been seeing your date for a while, but never met his or her friends. You rarely go out together”. 

Perhaps your partner keeps your relationship a secret from their colleagues and/or family. 

Or they could keep your presence off their social media – a move some think could be a way to maintain the appearance of being single, while reaping the benefits of companionship. 

The Guardian wrote that “stashing” can feel “humiliating”.

Indeed, writing to Reddit’s r/relationship_advice, site user u/em_79 s, who believed she’d been “stashed”, said, “it’s killing me feeling like my boyfriend is so ashamed of me that he can’t invite me to gatherings or even introduce me to a single person in his life”. 

Basically, if you’ve been “stashed,” your partner maintains a level of plausible deniability about your relationship, whether they mean to or not. 

What should I do if I’ve been “stashed”? 

Winters said communication is key, especially if your feelings are hurt.

“I would talk about it. I would say, ’Here’s what I’m experiencing... we see each other three, four times a week... I don’t know any of your friends or family. This is making it very unexciting for me to continue.” 

She added that stashing can often show a “lack of respect”, however, and urged “we should feel that our partner is proud of us”. 

If chatting to your partner doesn’t help the issue, experts think it might be time to consider letting your “stasher” go.