Fallout Season 2 Episode 7 recap: 'Don't think of them as human beings, think of them as Americans'

Warning: Spoilers for absolutely everything in Fallout Season 2 Episode 7!

It's easy to hate on Overseer Steph of Vault 32, but hey, she's been through a lot. Fallout Season 2 Episode 7 kicks off with a Steph flashback set 200 years ago when she was a Canadian citizen sent to an internment camp by the invading Americans (one of whom mockingly called her a hoser, no less) and then watched her Mom die in front of her.

Mom's advice before she expires: "Don't think of them as human beings, think of them as Americans." That's all Steph needs to hear before throat-slashing her way across the border and making her way to Las Vegas where she runs into Cooper Howard and an unconscious Hank MacLean. I guess when Hank woke up he admired her cutthroat (literally) attitude and made her one of Bud's Buds, which secured her a cryopod in the Vault.

Alas, things are not going great for Steph in the present. She's getting a lot of pushback from Overseer Betty of Vault 33, and even worse, from her soon-to-be husband, Chet, who she didn't even bother informing about their impending wedding. Chet has been unsettled for a while, but when he finds the missing Woody's eyeglasses in the garbage disposal, he finally finds his voice, exposing Steph's secret history to the entire Vault.

"Steph was not born in Vault 31. She's 200 years old!" Chet announces to a few scattered gasps. "And she's not even from America. She's Canadian!" Horrified screams erupt. This show definitely has the US attitude toward the rest of the world (and in many cases, its own citizens) perfectly pegged.

Meanwhile, in the secret Vault-Tec HQ beneath New Vegas, present-day Hank MacLean's new workforce is still doing their best Pluribus impression, working in unison to mass-produce mind-control devices with smiles plastered on their faces.

Hank, still handcuffed, helpfully explains that the dial on the device controller determines how much amnesia the subject experiences, while the mainframe implants "new ideas" in their heads. Lucy decides she wants to destroy that mainframe, and Hank is refreshingly helpful (or confident he can still convince her otherwise) by taking her to it, enjoying a nice father-daughter moment as he teaches her to drive a golf cart through the office.

But just a few feet from the door to the mainframe, Lucy changes her mind about tearing Hank's mind-control program down. She's seen the monstrosities of the Legion firsthand, but now here's a murderous former Legionnaire who's been re-programmed, and he's so gosh darn polite he even warns her about the wet floor he's mopping so she doesn't slip and hurt herself. Isn't this better than the state of affairs outside? Isn't it preferable to have brainwashed good people instead of free-willed evil ones?

Out in the wasteland, The Ghoul, Max, and Thadeus stroll back to NCR territory to tool up before launching an attack on the deathclaws on the strip. The Ghoul discovers Max has the cold fusion diode he last saw in pre-war Vegas, but Max won't turn it over to him, only to Lucy.

"She's a good person. She'll do the right thing with it," Max says.

The Ghoul just smiles, and there's some scorn in his grin—as if he were once just as naive as Max.

And indeed he was: in a pre-war flashback, Cooper Howard has bailed out Diane Welch, the dull-as-dishwater congresswoman who was roughed up and jailed for protesting corporate meddling in politics. "I know you're a good person, and I know you're trying to do the right thing," Cooper says. Yep, there's the origins of that bitter smile we see 200 years later.

See, Welch is such a good person she doesn't blame Cooper for not wanting to turn over the cold fusion diode to her, and suggests he could turn it over to the President of the United States, who has just arrived in Vegas, instead. If you were a movie star doing a terrible job at playing world-saving spy, this might sound like a good idea to you, too. Give the most powerful man in the world unlimited power? What could possibly go wrong?

In the present, Max, Thad, and Ghoul-Goggins raid an NCR armory, certainly bigger than any single arsenal I've ever come across in a Fallout game. Thaddeus tries to buddy up with The Ghoul since they're both ghouls and all, though Thaddeus is wondering why his nose hasn't fallen off yet, and also why he has a second quivering mouth growing out of his neck. Even The Ghoul seems to find that a bit unusual. I do, too.

The trio march in triumphant slow-motion back into Freeside, Max wearing that awesome NCR power armor, which lifts everyone's spirits. But just as Thaddeus is about to take on sniper duty, his arm falls off. Like, his entire arm. Guys, I'm not sure Thaddeus is really a ghoul. I think he might actually be some other mutation. Maybe he's a centaur? Their torsos don't have arms, either, though I really hate that fate for Thaddus.

Lucy finally ditches the vault jumpsuit, something every Fallout player eventually does, and dons a dress to have a civilized dinner with her dad. She's jarred back to reality when talking to the NCR soldier she met a few episodes ago. I guess, being a good person, something about a 25-year war vet having his memories erased so he can become Hank's personal waiter just doesn't sit right with her. She handcuffs Hank to the kitchen stove and stomps off to destroy the mainframe once again. Norm, meanwhile, tries to radio her and Hank from the Vault-Tec skyscraper while briefly out of the clutches of Bud's Buds, but neither of them hear him.

Finally, we get the showdown we're been waiting for: Max in power armor versus a deathclaw. Max dives into battle, punching and slashing the deathclaw—there were lots of guns you could have been using, dude, though I know it's hard to resist going melee with that armor on—until the deathclaw gets away and threatens the Ghoul, who takes a few ineffective shots at it with a modded Gauss rifle.

Max saves the day, though, decapitating the deathclaw so The Ghoul can finally enter The Lucky 38. Max dives back into battle with the other two deathclaws, though he gets tailwhipped right off the map, smashing open the gates to Freeside so the monsters can waltz right in. I don't think the citizens are going to be cheering Max after that move.

In the past, Coop meets with congresswoman Welch and the President of the United States (hey, it's Clancy Brown!) and hands over the cold fusion USB. In the present, he plugs the same device into New Vegas to find Mr. House's computerized face looking smugly back at him. Does this mean House's body and brain are alive, negating several of the endings of Fallout: New Vegas? Or is this just a digital backup on some secluded memory bank?

I'll just say this: Cooper, if you get a third chance to do something with the cold fusion diode, just throw it into the fucking ocean, willya?

Oh yeah, I almost forgot: Lucy reaches the mainframe and instead of a big computer it's congresswoman Diane Welch's severed but still-alive head in a jar wearing that wired-up skullcap House designed. She's even still got her earrings on.

I know Reddit loves making predictions, and I know many were suspicious of Welch like I was, but did anyone predict her severed head in a jar was wired up to Vault-Tec feeding ideas into mind-controlled amnesiacs 200 years in the future? Anyone? I didn't think so.

Pip-Boy Pointers

???? Theme song: Is it possible to not get chills hearing the Fallout theme when that sick-ass NCR power armor is unveiled? No, it's not possible. Great moment, and Aaron Moten sells the absolute shit out of it. Made me want to start a fresh playthrough of Fallout 4.

???? Gauss rifle: The Ghoul pumps a few rounds from Fallout 4's Gauss rifle into a deathclaw. It looks like it's got the shielded barrel mod on it, too! (Thanks to Ted for IDing it for me!)

????‍???? Rhombus: Hey! It's nice to see Clancy Brown in the Fallout show just like it's nice to see Clancy Brown anywhere at any time, because he's great. But it's especially nice to see him because he voiced Brotherhood of Steel knight Rhombus waaaaaay back in the original Fallout game.

???? Little America: Seeing Canada depicted as the 51st state sure hits different these days, huh? Leave it to the real US to be worse than the satirized version of the US.

???? Only one left: This is another short episode, clocking in at barely 43 minutes, just like Episode 6. Let's hope the finale is over an hour, at least!