Harriette Cole: I’m rattled to realize my new friends are school bullies
I left my old school because of mistreatment by people like them.
DEAR HARRIETTE: As a quiet and reserved individual, I recently transferred to a new school due to being bullied in my previous environment.
I have managed to make new friends at my current school, but they are unaware of my past experiences. Unfortunately, I have observed them engaging in bullying behavior toward others, which deeply troubles me.
I am hesitant to disclose my history to my new friends and urge them to stop, fearing that my vulnerability may lead to a repeat of past mistreatment.
I empathize with the victim of their bullying and feel conflicted about how to address the situation without jeopardizing my own well-being and relationships with my new friends.
— Transfer Student
DEAR TRANSFER STUDENT: You don’t have to reveal your history of being bullied to stand up for those they are bullying.
Speak directly to your new friends and tell them how surprised and disappointed you are to see the way they treat certain people. Remind them of how you look at them, at how kind and accepting they seemed to be to you when you arrived at the school (assuming that is accurate).
Ask them to show more compassion to the students they have targeted. If they don’t, it’s time to seek better friends.
DEAR HARRIETTE: As my graduation approaches, my mother has set her expectations for me to pursue a business course followed by a career in law. However, my true passion lies in filmmaking, a dream I have harbored for years.
Despite excelling academically and being at the top of my class, I have always followed my mother’s guidance.
After numerous arguments with her, I am considering changing my degree without her knowledge to pursue my passion for film.
The thought of deviating from her plans for me is daunting, but I yearn to follow my heart. I am conflicted about whether this decision is wise, or if it will strain our relationship.
— Filmmaker in the Making?
DEAR FILMMAKER IN THE MAKING?: One of the toughest challenges for young people is becoming independent of their parents.
A parent’s job is to set you up to be able to take care of yourself and live a fulfilling life. Parents do that by supporting you in whatever ways they envision will help you, including sometimes nudging you toward one life goal or another.
You probably already know that your mother’s intentions are good, even if they are myopic. She wants you to have a good, secure job where you will be able to take care of yourself. In her mind, law seems more secure than filmmaking. She’s not necessarily wrong.
That said, if your heart is set on filmmaking, you owe it to yourself to learn more about that field. Start making your own films as a hobby. Get into it and discover if you have a gift in that arena. Take some classes and learn the craft.
If you absolutely have no interest in a law career, you can stop pursuing that once you have another way to support yourself. Go for your dream by planning it out.
Figure out ways to earn a living that will support your filmmaking dream, knowing that it will take time for that field to support you. When that transition finally happens, ask your mother to trust that you must follow your own path.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.