'Never seen anything like this': Families outraged after cemetery dumps grave memorials
Families say they found the memorabilia and belongings they left at loved one's graves in a giant pile at the cemetery.
ONEIDA, N.Y. (WSYR-TV) -- St. Patrick's Cemetery in Oneida, New York, was a peaceful place until a week ago. Families say they found the memorabilia and belongings they left at loved one's graves in a giant pile at the cemetery the week of April 1.
The gravestone items were collected from about 40 to 50 graves and put in a pile at the cemetery by caretakers after a notice went out to families in a church bulletin in early March, according to St. Patrick's Cemetery Association President James Cronn.
"On or around April 1st, caretakers will remove everything artificial from all graves at St. Patrick's Cemetery," the notice read. "This includes but is not limited to statues (that are not an integral part of the headstone), Jacob staffs, artificial flower arrangements, votive candles, wreaths, bird feeders and houses, and vases. The items will be placed next to the maintenance garage on the East side of the cemetery."
The bulletin said families could collect their items from the pile until May 1, at which point they'd be thrown away. "This is necessary for keeping the cemetery looking respectable and for the safety of our groundskeepers. Please remember that artificial grave adornments are not permitted," the notice read.
But families who don't attend church in the community were upset that they weren't notified, and were left to discover the pile for themselves.
“St. Patrick's Cemetery put a notice up on their church's bulletin, which was the only place, saying that on April 1 they were going to be removing basically what they believed was 'trash' from the cemetery to make it look more 'respectable' in their eyes," said Ashley Palmer, a mother of a child buried at the cemetery.
"They did not notify every family or take into consideration the families that do not go to church there or regularly. They ripped decorations off of grave sites and piled hundreds of grave decorations in a huge pile of 'trash.'"
Cronn, who has been working for the cemetery for about 35 years, said signs explaining the ban on adornments have been posted at both entrances for years, but it wasn't until recently that the cemetery started enforcing the rule more strictly.
"Our policies are consistent with the guidelines that the Diocese of Syracuse has for Catholic cemeteries, and we try in every way to honor however people want to honor and memorialize their loved ones. What happened was we tried to be tolerant of the stuff people were bringing up there to the cemetery and leaving, and it just got out of hand, and we decided to enforce these rules more strictly," said Cronn.
Palmer and other families reported the caretakers broke items while collecting them into one pile.
"They broke a flower pot I had painted for my son eight years ago that said 'Mommy blows a kiss to you every night,' and I’ve had it on my 4-month-old’s plot since he passed away. It’s broken by them and tossed," said Palmer. "He was 4 months old when he passed, he was born with half a heart. I mean it was 2016, but still you can't throw that away."
Cronn said nothing was smashed or broken, and the allegations spreading on Facebook are not true.
"I wouldn't advise believing everything you see on Facebook. As I look through the cemetery, a lot of these statues and things were broken before we ever touched them, and that was part of the problem," said Cronn. "I know our caretakers; I've been working with them for many years, and these gentlemen would not intentionally break anything that was on those graves. That just did not happen. Now could it have inadvertently happened, I can't say that it couldn't, but they certainly would not have done that intentionally. We try to be respectful of people's things."
Photos sent to Nexstar's WSYR from families show the gravestone trinkets and statues broken and scattered throughout the ground.
“In the eight years my son has been there, I have never seen anything like this. I bought the plot and was told when I signed my deed that I could put out whatever I wanted there," said Palmer. "This can't be seen as acceptable. Don't just come throw our stuff away."
Cronn said Palmer may be mistaken on the language of her deed. "Every deed that's issued by our cemetery bookkeeper, the person buying a lot gets a statement that clearly shows artificial objects are not permitted in the cemetery."
Cronn added the cemetery gave ample time for families to gather their belongings before they were put into the pile to be thrown out.
"Where else would we announce it? It's a Catholic cemetery, and it's been running for a while in the bulletin since early March. It's clearly posted that we don't want anything artificial in the cemetery. We gave people a month to gather their belongings."
Families were also upset at what appeared to be uneven treatment, as some graves still had items while others didn't. Cronn said that was a mistake on the caretaker's part, as there are thousands of graves, and some might have been overlooked.
"As far as I'm concerned, the cemetery has nothing to apologize for, however, I am sympathetic to their concerns. These emotions run very deep, but we do need to keep the cemetery looking respectful for the majority of us. I'm not mad at them. I'm not upset at them, even though they are very upset with me," said Cronn.
Although the original bulletin said families have until May 1 to pick up their belongings, Cronn said he asked the caretakers to give people an extra week or two to get their things before they are thrown out. Other things like fake flowers will be thrown out sooner.
Cronn did say he could consider implementing other forms of communication besides the church bulletin in the future.
He also said non-artificial items are still welcome at gravesites.
"All these artificial things that people may want to have in the cemetery, they are welcome to bring them up with them when they come. The only thing we ask is to take them with them when they leave."