My kids witnessed the worst of my alcohol use. They made a pact never to drink.

She got sober 10 years ago after struggling with alcohol abuse. Her kids swore to each other to never drink. She's proud they're breaking the cycle.

• I've been sober for 10 years, but my kids saw the worst of me when I was excessively using alcohol.
• Because of what they saw, they made a pact to never drink alcohol. 
• I've never sugarcoated what I went through, and I'm proud they are breaking a cycle. 

While having dinner at Chili's, a waitress walked by with what looked to be an extra-large strawberry margarita.

"I can't wait until I'm 21 and can get one of those fancy drinks," my son said. His sister quickly intervened: "Emmet, you can't. What about our pact?"

While I hadn't heard about this pact before, I was certain it had something to do with my alcohol use. Before I got sober 10 years ago, my kids witnessed the worst of my disease.

I'd miss birthday parties, show up late, tipsy, or drunk at school events, and pass out before their bedtimes.

I told lie after lie: "I promise I won't drink today. No, I wasn't drinking yesterday. No, I didn't take your $5 to go buy alcohol."

My children had no choice but to stand by as alcoholism transformed their mom from a loving, reliable, and healthy young woman to a scary, unreliable stranger. Still, they never stopped loving me. They never stopped believing in me. They forgave me time and time again. And apparently, they made a pact not to be like me.

I quickly inquired about the pact. Together, one day, they agreed that none of them would ever drink alcohol — not even a sip.

I had mixed emotions about the pact

Hearing this, I was overwhelmed with emotion — pride, guilt, happiness, sadness. If I'm honest with myself, it hurt to hear that my kids didn't want to turn out like me, even if it's just the old me. Yet I felt so proud to know they were making smart choices and so happy to know they supported one another.

I thought the pact was the cutest thing ever. But it was also sad to me that my drinking, that the old me, had scared them so much that they never wanted to touch alcohol. After what I put them through, the message was loud and clear: Alcohol is poison. To me, it is and always will be. But to many, alcohol isn't poison.

My kids are breaking a cycle

Would it be poison to them? Teenagers drink, right? Drinking is a rite of passage in our culture. Have I robbed my kids of a staple teenage experience? Maybe. Maybe they will drink. Maybe they already have. These thoughts and questions have left me feeling guilty, on top of my other emotions. But more significant than all of my emotions combined is the knowledge that my kids and I are breaking a cycle.

Since getting sober, I have chosen to tell my kids the truth. I've told them the harsh reality that alcoholism is hereditary. I have told them that they need to be very careful. I've told them about the warning signs that I missed, like blacking out when I drank or thinking about my next drink every minute of every day — even in high school and college.

I have not sugarcoated the ugliness that addiction delivers or denied the depths it plunged me into. I have not (and never will) glorify alcohol, nor will I minimize the dangers of it.

If I could go back and do my life over again, I wouldn't undo my alcoholism. Through all of the lows and the pain I have both felt and caused, I was led to this new life of sobriety and accountability, a life rooted in self-awareness and gratitude, a life that prioritizes service and humility.

I am blessed to share this new life with my children. And this is the real miracle: I'm showing them a better way.