It’s selfish to only have one child – kids learn so much through their brothers and sisters

FORMER Strictly Come Dancing pro Kristina Rihanoff, 44, has ruled out having more kids with partner Ben Cohen, 43, the ex-England rugby player who is dad to their five-year-old daughter Milena. Parents of a sole youngster inevitably get asked: “When are you going to have the next one?” But why the expectation, and is it […]

FORMER Strictly Come Dancing pro Kristina Rihanoff, 44, has ruled out having more kids with partner Ben Cohen, 43, the ex-England rugby player who is dad to their five-year-old daughter Milena.

Parents of a sole youngster inevitably get asked: “When are you going to have the next one?”

But why the expectation, and is it better for a child to have a sibling?

Two women who both grew up as only children debate the issue.

No, says Calypso Rose

MARRIED gift company owner Calypso, 40, has a five-year-old son. She says:

I took great pride in being an only child. That’s why I deliberately have just the one.

I never felt I was missing out on anything through not having a sibling. There was never a time when I craved a brother or sister.

It was not until I was in junior school, aged eight, that I gave it any thought. I wasn’t a loner – I had lots of friends – but the advantage was I got to have time alone too.

I’d make up games or draw for hours. If anything, being an only child stretched my imagination.

Mum worked long hours in the TV industry. People might think it’s glamorous but working freelance meant she couldn’t afford to have another child, financially or time-wise.

I’ve always been told I have “only child” traits, like working for myself or being a bit bossy. And I’m the first to say I am headstrong. I certainly don’t take to being told what to do, either.

I’d always known I would have just the one child – and that’s because I like my independence. We get to go away. I cycle everywhere with my son on the back of my bike and we live on a canal boat.

It’s a life we all love and it wouldn’t work with four of us. I also have more time for my other half, as my mum is very happy to look after one child.

I like an easy life. I just don’t know how parents cope with three kids.
One child is enough for me to parent. I like my moments of peace and I don’t enjoy chaos.

I’ve got enough energy, resources and focus to make sure he gets my attention to live his best life.

It’s working so far. He hasn’t noticed that he doesn’t have any brothers or sisters.

He thrives on having lots of “Mum and Dad time”. My husband has a brother yet he wasn’t fussed about having more than one kid. He also prefers an easy life.

With the financial resources we have, I can give my son a good life filled with love, adventure and my undivided attention.

Maybe I’m selfish but we are working to our capabilities to keep a happy and healthy family unit.

Yes, says Lisa Williams

LIFE coach Lisa, 35, lives in Rhuddlan, Denbighshire, with her husband Philip, 40, a factory worker, and their kids Alysa, eight, and Talia-Beau, one. She says:

I am an only child and my husband is an only child. But I always wanted a sibling. I thought it would be incredible to have a brother or sister to always be there and play with.

I was five when I realised there was just me. I’d watch films with siblings in them and see how happy they were playing together and hankered after that.

I did have a friend I’d play with. She was an only child too but it wasn’t the same.

I would ask for a brother or a sister. The answer was always no.

Mum had separated from my biological father and she didn’t want any more children. She was happy with just me and we did have a close relationship.

Mum was an only child too. I got to spend the weekends with my nan and I was the centre of her world.

There was no one to steal my toys or break my things but it was lonely at weekends and school holidays. That’s why I didn’t want my children to be on their own.

I knew my instincts were correct. My older daughter always asked, “Can I have a brother and sister?”

Yet we really struggled to have our second child. After trying for six years, Talia-Beau made our family complete. Alysa was over the moon.

I am very lucky to have given her what she wanted. It is beautiful and life-affirming to watch them play together. They learn so many life skills too, such as caring for one another and sharing.

I don’t think any mum sets out to be selfish. It makes me sad to think my children will never have any aunties or uncles, though I have friends who are godparents.

As for having two, I have never regretted it. Mum and Nan might have been happy with just one each but for me, I have so much love to give to two children.